What do feng shui, ancestors, and normal mom life have to do with each other? Probably a lot. But specifically, they are intimately linked for me right now. Among other things, I’m a feng shui consultant. So I’m really interested in the energy of space. Feng shui is based on the understanding that our space can energetically help or hinder us. Moreover, objects hold energy and can impact our lives in a positive or negative way. Since I’ve started practicing feng shui, I’ve gotten good at letting things go, except for my daughter’s baby stuff (well, and her toys, which is another story).

She’s four, and up until a year ago, I had gotten rid of almost nothing. I had boxes and bags and piles of stuff. It was a heartbreak to sort through her clothes and little things, but I ended up giving away a lot. It hurt at first, but once it was gone, I was ok. But I still had the big stuff – her pack ‘n play, the glider I rocked her in, co-sleeper, and her changing table, which was the only furniture we bought for her at first because we moved soon after she was born. I’d not had the fortitude to get rid that stuff. But it was taking up way too much room and I’d been itching to clear out that space and its old energy, however precious it was.

On another note, I’ve become interested in ancestral healing. Recent science is telling us that we inherit trauma from our ancestors. Spiritually and metaphysically, practitioners believe that we not only inherit traumatized DNA, but also the symptoms and behaviors of our ancestors if their patterns are not broken. Further, we can do work now to retroactively heal the pain of our ancestors, thus healing ourselves and future descendants. This has come up for me a lot regarding a particular ancestor, who once told me in a meditation that part of her problem was living in the past. She couldn’t move forward.

In recent years, this has become a major obstacle for me, as well. I’ve worked and worked to let go of the past, but continue to find myself looking backwards. It hasn’t felt like me. I’ve been confused by this pattern and by its stubbornness. I’ve been thrilled to discover Pavini Moray, Daniel Foor, and others, who work to heal such traumas and patterns. Interestingly, I remembered a psychic reading I got a while back in which I was told that my problem was, in fact, a pattern rooted in my family line. At the time, I didn’t know anything about ancestral healing, so I didn’t give the claim much weight. But now it’s all coming together. I believe that my own painful pattern of living in the past is likely inherited.

I realized that hanging onto all this baby stuff was obviously anchoring me to that part of my past. More importantly, taking the hard, painful step of letting it go would be a significant action I can take to show the universe – and my ancestors – that I am ready to heal this pattern in my line. It’s not mine and I don’t want it. While not a silver bullet, I think this will be a grand enough gesture and energy shift to show that I mean business about doing this work.

To emphasize the point, my daily oracle cards keep telling me to declutter in order to move on! Ok, universe! I hear you!

And this brings me to my mommy meltdown. It hurt. It made me sad to let go of this stuff. But I donated it to a local women’s shelter. They certainly need it more than I do. I let myself cry. I thanked these objects for all they provided for me and my baby, and I smudged them to release my family’s energy and attachment. I’ve learned that just because it’s painful in the moment to give up some stuff, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it up.

I have faith that this will help me break this family pattern, freeing me to more fully enjoy my present and future, while being better able to appreciate memories of the past, rather than living there. And it will free my daughter and other descendants from repeating this pain. I’ll count on the feng shui principle that clearing out this space will open me to greater opportunities and supportive energy.

Wish me luck!

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